So Cold
by Bubbly88Tay
Summary: Jay was a hero to his core, and all Erin did in return was treat him like she had broken his heart, when the fact of the matter, was that she had broken both of their hearts. But when she realizes that she doesn't give a damn about the rules, it might just be too late.


A/N 1: Hey guys, I know it has been absolutely forever, at least a month since I have posted anything, however, have no fear. Just because I wasn't posting, doesn't mean I wasn't writing. I have a considerably tall pile of stories (mainly one shot) that I just need to either a)revise, b)show them off to someone, or c)finish. And that's like five or six stories right there, so expect at least one more from me by the time the week is over.

Besides that, life has sucked. I have had a couple of people helping to make my day better. Like my brother, and my mom, but the person who has really been there for me, and she knows who she is, is the reason this one is being posted today. BlueJay, I love you girly.

I can not wait for you all to read this, and I guess the normal disclaimers apply, I don't own anything you recognize.

Another Quick disclaimer, I was so excited to post this, that there are errors throughout the piece, is there are any that really piss you off, feel free to let me know so that I can go through and fix it. Thank you!

So without further ado, here is _**So Cold. **_

_**Chicago PD ! ##$$%%^^&amp;&amp;**(()) Chicagao PD**_

The walls on all four sides of him were the color of the sky, with random whales and sea horses painted on it sporadically. On the wall facing out towards the street, there was a dresser full of onesies and other assorted baby needs. On top of, and above the dresser, hanging on the walls, there were photos. Some were of carton sailors, sailing away into the big ocean blue. Other photos were of a child, no more than three months old. One photo, larger than all of the rest, was a photo of a family, sitting on a beach a top a picnic blanket, off of Lake Superior. Mom, dad, and baby.

Two of the people in that photo were dead. All that was left was Aiden Matthew Ashe. 3 months, 2 weeks, 1 day old. The baby was completely oblivious to his surroundings, as he laid gurgling happily in his crib. The crib, like much of the room was blue, but was furnished with a white sheet and drapings. The mobile above it was slowly spinning little sea creatures round and round, catching the childs lazy gaze every so often.

Jay pulled his gloves off shoving them into his back pocket as he took one step closer to the crib, finally able to peek over at the diaper clad baby. He wiped his sweaty hands on his jacket "Hey buddy, how you doing little man?" Jay asked the child, not expecting an answer.

Jay was almost jealous of the calm child, who clumsily dropped his toy on his chest as he waved his arms up at Jay. "Hey Aiden. Why are you only wearing a diaper, huh? Its freezing out there." The child let another gurgle loose. "I mean, look at me, I'm wearing at least two coats. What do you say we put some clothes on that bare back of yours?"

Jay took a breath as he reached his hands into the crib, reaching for the orphan who's dead parents laid cooling a floor below, in their large and spacious living room.

Erin and Jay didn't normally become the first responders on a call, however, on their way back from an awkwardly silent lunch, a call had come over the radio asking for a close available unit. Jay had been itching for something to do and had responded immediately. There had been shots fired about a block from their positions, and the little old lady who had called it in, just wanted to make sure that the 'nice people' next door were OK.

They arrived moments later, racing to beat each other to the doorstep. Erin had beat Jay to the doors, and was just about to knock when Jay grabbed her hand silently, shooting her a glare as he pulled his side arm. He pointed to a crack in the door frame as he let go of her arm. She nodded in understanding as she pulled her gun and nudged the door open with her nuzzle. Jay slid in as soon as the slot was large enough.

As soon as Erin had followed suit he moved into the first room. A man shot up to a crouched threatening positions. Jay took a quick look down at the bloody, motionless figures, that were laying face down in the lush carpeting. "Chicago police, hands in the air where I can see them, now!" Jay demanded, raising his weapon so that it pointed right at the mans chest. The man, large in stature, dark in color, weighed his options then jumped for a gun that was lying on the coffee table.

He never got a chance to raise it as Jay tapped his trigger twice, sending two bullets sliding from his barrel and flying into the mans chest. He fell to the ground as Jay lowered his weapon.

Erin rushed to the blonde, older lady first checking for a pulse. When she found none, she reached for the balding man who laid beside the fallen woman. Erin shook her head sullenly as she found none and reached for what Jay assumed was the killer of the couple.

When she stood, Jay replaced his weapon in his holster, and rubbed his face with his gloved hands, "Damn it."

"I'm going to go call this is, think you can manage not to shoot anyone else before I get back?" Erin asked sarcastically.

"I didn't have a choice." Jay responded with a grit in his tone. His hands falling clenched to his sides. Erin didn't stop as she reached the short hallway leading to the door.

"We always have a choice." Erin remarked.

As she reached the door, Jay shook his head as he thought of the woman he had laid in bed with less than a month before. "Voight didn't give us a choice."

Erin faltered as she pulled the door open so she could walk out easier. "There was never going to be an 'us' Jay." She replied it with a cold tone as the words hit their marks. Jay grimaced as he watched the woman he loved walk out of the house.

He shook his head gingerly as he tried not to stare at the grisly crime scene in front of him. He looked around at the decorations, some vases sitting on tables, and the throw pillows that had sitting plumped on the couch. Even the candlesticks on the fireplace were more interesting to look at.

It was when he was beginning to look around at the photos, that Jay realized something was missing. There were multiple photos of a baby boy. Most were of the child with the dead couple holding him. One photo had a picture of the baby laying on the ground with blocks spelling out his name above his head.

Jay grabbed the photo. "Aiden Matthew Ashe." He read the name aloud. His stomach dropped as he ran to the dead 'father.' Jay pulled the wallet from the mans pocket. He flipped it open as he read the name on the ID.

'Isaiah Zachary Ashe.'

Jay dropped the wallet as he began to frantically search the bottom level for a baby. When he wasn't able to find one, he ran to and up the stairs. The first room he checked was a bathroom. The second a linen closet. The third was a master bedroom, filled with more antique junk. Jay finally turned to the last door adjacent to the bedroom, revealing the nursery.

He heard quiet coos as he approached the crib. He let out a silent thanks to whatever god was up there for keeping this baby alive.

Jay shook his head out of his thoughts as he picked up the baby, the cool skin cooling Jays fingertips. "Oh buddy, you are cold. Why didn't you say something before?" Jay asked, a soft smile on his lips. Jay spotted the changing table on the other side of the room, and walked the length to reach it. He lied the baby down on the lush top, and stared at the baby with a questioning look. "What am I going to put you in, huh?"

Jay pulled a drawer open on the station, and pulled out a bland, all white onesie. "Well, this is a start..." Jay stared at the garment, a questioning look on his face. He realized that he had never done anything like this in his life. Jay glanced at the holes, knowing that he wasn't sure whether that was an arm hole or a leg hole.

He placed the garment down on the table. Lying his arms beside the baby, he leaned on the table, staring down at Aiden. The baby reached up for his face, a happy smile plastered on his face. "We're going to have to go a little note basic. Maybe a bag or something? Are those even legal anymore?"

He stopped leaning on the table, and turned towards the closet door which was nestled right beside the changing table. He just needed to find something to keep this kid warm in. He reached for the door handle handle, but the door flew open.

The doors edge hit him right against the temple, the skin splitting open and blood oozing quickly from the crevice. Jay fell to the ground, dazed, as a figure jumped confidentially from the closet as Aiden began to whimper. The criminal landed on Jays legs, effectively pinning Jay to the ground as he began to become aware of his surroundings again. Jay was only able to bring his sights to focus on a flash of silver, before excruciating pain erupted into Jays side and blossomed throughout his chest.

He cried out quietly as he realized, that the man who sat staring down at him gleefully, had in fact just stabbed him. Jay found it hard to breathe suddenly, feeling like his lungs were trying to expand around the knife shoved up into his chest cavity.

Jay could hear the door to house opening downstairs as the man on top of him lied a finger down gently on Jays lips, urging Jay to remain quiet as Erin began to call out for him.

His limbs felt as heavy as lead as he tried to move, to shove the man off of him. His eyes began to slide shut, his mind running out of options as the child began to cry, quietly at first. Suddenly, Jays eyes flew open as he _felt _the knife slowly being pulled from his body, the pain more excruciating than when the knife had gone in. A groan escaped his lips which sounded more like a whimper, as the man twisted the bloody weapon once more and pulled it from Jays body.

Jay closed his eyes again as Erin called out for him, a tinge of worry in her tone. He opened them again as the man smacked his face again, holding the knife above Jays head, in his eyesight. "How'd that feel? Cause it felt great from my end." Without another word, Jay felt the knife slammed back into his body, the hilt rubbing against his clothes. Once again, he felt like he was breathing around the knife, only after the knife was removed from the other side of his body, Jay still couldn't breathe.

"Jay!" Erin shouted, garnering everybody's attention. The baby let loose a cry as the men heard footsteps coming up the stairs. "Is that a baby?" Erin called out again.

The man of top of Jay smiled as he stood, pulling Jay up with him with a practised sort of ease. Jays head fell to lie on his chest as he felt the tip of the knife placed against his throat. His breathing became more labored as he tried and failed to focus on the doorway in front of him waiting for his partner to come flying the doors like his white horse.

Suddenly, the door was kicked open and Erin came flying into the room, her gun drawn, and gaze steady. Jay suddenly remembered his own gun as he gave up trying to look up and tried concentrating on the carpet instead. The carpet which was slowly being dyed red.

His fingers came to rest on his gun as Jay realized that his captor was a moron. Erin also seemed to notice. That and the growing pile of blood at Jays feet and his lethargic behavior.

"Drop yo weapon!" The man shouted in Jays ear as the baby began to scream. Jay coughed as well, adding to the cacophony of sound. He tasted an iron metallic taste in his mouth, and dazedly realizing it was blood as it began to trail down his chin.

Erin yelled something in response but Jay couldn't decipher it as all the sound he was hearing was overpowered by the pounding and the rushing of blood in his ears.

Jay felt the knife press harder and deeper into his neck, and he figured he didn't have much time left as it was. With strength he didn't know he had, Jay ripped the gun from his holster, and simultaneously slammed his elbow up into his captors ribcage, miraculously freeing himself.

He stumbled to the wall, dropping his gun as he clutched onto the wall with his hand. Erin was yelling in front of him, the man was yelling beside him, and the baby was yelling behind him. He vaguely heard two gunshots ring out before he fell to his knees. Before he could fall to his face though, a soft set of hands grabbed his shoulders, and slowly turned the towards the wall. After a moment, he was sitting, staring at his partner bleakly as she tore open his jackets.

"Last time... you did this... it was much... more... enjoyable." Jay gasped as Erin found one of the holes in his chest. She found the second moments later and shook her head, worry written in the lines on her face.

"Jay, I need to go get help OK. Backups going to be here soon, but as need an EMS. Just hang on OK." She stood up, but Jay limply grabbed her hand.

"Stay with me?" Jay pleaded, a wet cough erupting from his lips as more blood decorated his lips and chin.

Erin fell to her knees again as she cupped Jays hands in her hands. "Jay, if I don't, there never will be an 'us.'"

Jays eyelids opened a little wider at the words, sirens in the distance. "What 'bout Voight?"

"Screw Voight, if you're willing to be stabbed twice for a baby, I think I'll be willing to risk it with you. You just gotta hold on while I get help." Jay nodded, a smile gracing his bloody lips.

"The kid." Jay whispered, a grimace crossing his face. "Get him." Jay gasped. Erin nodded and dropped his hand. She flew to the child and out of the room with one last glance.

Jay watched them leave, then started to focus on the wall across from him. He brought a hand to one of his wounds, and with a small cry and a light touch Jay pulled his hand away. He brought it to levitate in front of his face. Seeing the amount t of blood on his hand, jay shook his head and laughed a wet chuckle. Seconds drug on as he dropped his hand onto his lap.

His last conscious thought, as he fell sideways, was that the nursery reminded him of the one he was raised in before he let his consciousness crumble.

_**Chicago PD ! ##$$%%&amp;&amp;-++(()) Chicago PD**_

She was cold, and she knew it. The way she acted, towards him, wasn't fair in the slightest but it was the only way she could act. Jay didn't deserve to be treated like dirt, but Voight was right, all she would have done is broke his heart. Even if they had lasted.

That was all she was thinking of, him, as she ran down the stairway, the baby screaming in her ears. Back up couldn't have been too far away, hell, she was certain that they were on their street.

That was the only thing that she could believe.

Her partner was upstairs in the screaming childs nursery with not one, but two holes in his sides. She could hear his breath catching everytime he took a breath, and she could see the blood trailing down his chin.

Jay was dying, and he didn't have much time at all.

She reached the bottom step as Kim stuck her head into the house, Roman at her side. Immediately, they spotted Erin, blood coated hands, screaming child. Kim reached her first reaching for the baby as Erin realized that there were tears on her own cheeks.

"Roman, Jay's upstairs, he's been stabbed and he's bleeding a lot and he needs help." Erin choked. Roman nodded his head, taking off up the stairs as he called for an ems crew to meet him upstairs because an 'officer was down.'

As soon as the baby was calm enough in Kims arms, Kim turned to Erin's slightly shaking form. "Erin, are you OK?"

She shook her head, "Kim, I made a mistake." Erin whispered, more tears spilling down her cheeks.

"What do you mean?" Kim asked, pulling her to the side as two paramedics and a stretcher topped with medical equipment was rushed by them. The baby was sucking on his thumb again as the detective and officer conferred.

"God, I shouldn't have ended it. He's going to die thinking that I didn't even want anything to do with him. I treated him like I was a bitch, and god he's going to die up there." Erin sobbed, feeling her every fiber starting to tear as she refused to look down at the blood on her hands.

Kim was shocked as she watched the strongest woman she knew begin to crumble. "What are you talking about?" She asked soothingly.

"You know Jay and I dated for about a month a couple of weeks ago." Erin chucked a harsh laugh.

"What? What about Voight?"

"That why we aren't anymore. I called it off, and Jay, like normal, was the classiest person about it. He didn't whine, he didn't complain. I thought he was going to cry, but he didn't. he just walked away." Erin recalled, as she wiped her hands across her face.

"Then what happened?" Kim asked, struck with curiosity by the motion. She had had no clue.

"I acted like a complete and total bitch. Like he was the one who broke my heart, when in truth, it was me who broke our hearts." Erin pursed her lips as she watched Voight come running into the house.

Around the same time, the stretcher was being pulled down the stairs, Jays body strapped to it.

Everyone who had made their way into the house stopped and stared as the pale detective was whisked away and out of the house. The oxygen mask was placed over his face, his breaths beating against the plastic surface with a lackluster demeanor. His jackets and shirts were torn off, gauze, quickly turning red was taped against his sides as well as on his head. His eyes were closed, the dark circles under them only now noticed by Erin as she shot Voight a glare and rushed to Jay's side.

"Whats going on with him?" Erin asked, as she scooped up his hand and held it in hers, walking at the same brisk pace as the medics.

"Puncture wounds on the right and left side, punctured both lungs, his respirations are low and we haven't been able to rouse. He has a laceration on his head, however that appears to be only superficial." The first medic responded as the second walked ahead of them and opened the door wider. "Are you his partner?"

"Yea, can I come with you?" Erin asked, trying hard not to look over at Voight, who she knew was burning holes into her body from watching so badly. Instead she looked over to Kim. After she was told she could come along, she smiled a sad smile and disappeared out the doors.

Leaving the officers left behind to stare mournfully at the crime scene ahead of them.

Aiden slowly drifting off to sleep.

_**Chicago PD ! ##$$%%^^&amp;&amp;**(()) Chicago PD**_

Voight couldn't decide what was worse.

Watching Erin slide to sleep in the chair across from him, staring at him with a deathly glare.

Or having to watch as she cried quietly in her sleep, knowing it was his fault. After a while though, her quiet sobs stopped, and Voight was able to stand up and leave the waiting room, hoping to find out anything about his detective.

Apparently, when the knife was pulled out of his body on the right side, it nicked Jays kidney. The doctors weren't sure how, but they needed surgery to repair the nick, and that had been nearly two hours ago.

Now, Voight had nothing better to do than to explore the hospital corridor, and he couldn't believe his luck when he had run into the doctor who had performed the surgery. He stopped the man, and turned him towards him. "You performed on Detective Halstead?"

The doctor smiled, recognizing the detective from when he had talked to him earlier on in the evening, frantic looks upon all of their faces. "Yes, he's going to be fine. It'll take him a couple of months to completely recover, and he's currently on a ventilator to help his lungs heal but baring any complications, he should be off of it in less than twenty four hours. Shall I go tell your companions?"

Voight wiped a hand across his face. The best news he had heard all day. "No, its OK, I'll tell them in a few, can I see him?"

The doctor stared at Voight with a cryptic smile, then shrugged, "Sure. He's upstairs in the CICU, but like I said, just a precaution."

Voight's stomach jumped at the news, however, the doctor's ease also put Voight at ease. "Alright let's go see him."

The doctor led him to the elevator where they traveled upwards, then stopped. Th pair hopped off and headed down another hallway. They reached the doorways to the CICU, and the doctor stepped through them.

Voight stopped to catch his breath, but then caught back up. Seconds later, they walked through a door and into Jay's room.

As promised, he was hooked up to a ventilator, along with seven thousand other machines that Voight had no clue what they were used for. Jay was covered about halfway with a pair of scrub pants, his top was shirtless, but heavily bandaged with tubes leading from his chest. He was asleep, and silent, but he was alive, and according to Roman, who had to resuscitate him at the scene, that was definitely a miracle.

"You know, I know you're just a doctor, but can you give the news to Erin Lindsay? His partner. I need to talk to her, and if you could bring her up here..."

"It'd be my pleasure." The doctor reassured as he left the room, leaving Voight to a practically comatose man and his thoughts.

"I got like five minutes to do this, and I'm not repeating myself to you. I got to do this for erin to, but I want to tell you this first because you're suffering the most out of this whole family drama shit mess." Voight took a breath as the machine took a breath for Jay.

"Anyways, look, everyone makes mistakes, including myself. And I didn't realize what I was doing when I did that. However, when I said that it would be safer for you if you remained out of pants, I didn't mean you should throw yourself in front of a knife. So good job there kid." Voight chuckled, not believing what he was doing.

"And I know she's not my daughter, so I have no right, but you two are meant for each other, and everyone knows it. So kid, I'm glad you're ok." Voight finished then sat in the chair.

"You mean it?" Erin asked from the door. Voight shot up, a confused look on his face. " I heard you walk out and followed you. Doctor just gave me the rundown and apparently so did you. Did you mean it?"

Voight shrugged then opened his arms, allowing her to walk into them. "I did. He treats you like a man should treat a woman. And you put him in his place and he helps out when you need it and vice versa. You need each other and who am I to say otherwise?"

Erin walked into his arms, resting her head on his shoulders as she placed her palm in Jays. "Thank you Voight."

"I love you kid." Voight responded, brushing his hands through her hair reassuringly.

"I love you too Voight." Erin replied as she felt a squeeze against her fingers. She looked over Voight's shoulder to see a lazy, lethargic smirk dusted on Jay's face, his eyes still closed, the tube only hindering the smile minutely.

And Erin smiled.

_**! ##$$%%^^&amp;&amp;**(()) Chicago PD**_

A/N 2: So that's over, so why don't yall show me some love by maybe leaving behind a review before you love? Love to hear from you all! Thank you all so much for reading, and I totally hope the wait was worth it.

~Tayler~


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